No one called!

Or emailed, or texted, or sent plain old snail mail, to tell me that they were pregnant today.

I consider that a good day. I think I'm hearing procreation news about once every two weeks at this point, so each day when I don't get a missive from a friend with "secret!" or "great news!" or really any sort of exclamation point at all, I'm pretty relieved.

I mean, I'm happy for you all. My high school pal who emailed out of the blue on Saturday; my lab tech pal turned fellow grad student pal who confided in me last week; my brother's wife, a solid 6 years older than me; and all the rest of you. That's great. Yes, I'm sure you'll make good parents. Oh, totally, pregnancy sounds Very Difficult and Stressful. I bet you're tired. I know I am.

Tired of acting like it's great news that you're pregnant and I'm still not, that is.

I don't like being jealous and resentful of all of you, whom I truly love and respect and wish the best for. It's just....we've been trying for over two years, and you got pregnant on your first try. Or your second. Much though I want you to be happy, right now it feels as though it's coming at my expense. I know it's not, but knowing doesn't make it feel that way.

Anyhow. If today's trends continue, if no one breaks through my paperthin skin again, then tomorrow I can revert to grown-up behavior and talk about Science and Knowledge and The Postdoc Life and Women in Science. Tonight, though, I'm having a glass of wine, or three. Because I can. And you can't. Hurrah!