IVF 8: Emotions

As several of you have commented on, I've been holding up well emotionally thus far. What helps:

--Dr Hyde is 100% supportive ("No, you go relax, and I'll do the vacuuming!")
--The doctors and nurses are friendly, happy to talk, and act as though they're delighted when I have an ultrasound on the Friday after Thanksgiving--really, where else would they rather be than at work, helping us try to conceive? Their positive attitude is reassuring.
--Talking with friends and blogging both provide a chance to let off steam, and to focus on the narrative and analysis, as opposed to the deep lurking worry.
--The drugs I've been injecting have been happily unable to mess with my head (aside from some kick-off headaches), to my relief. They're not making me all nutty the way that hormones can (although I anticipate the progesterone will be a different story).

Today, though, I'm starting to feel more anxious. In part this is because we spent yesterday hanging out with my cousins, one of whom is visibly pregnant. It's hard for me to see pregnant bellies anywhere, and a whole day of seeing my (younger) cousin was just dispiriting. The worst was when we went to the mall and inadvertently pulled into a parking space that read "Reserved for expectant mothers." The other people in the car cheered. "We've got one! We can actually park here!"

That side of the family is not known for its tact.

Another reason I'm getting antsy is that I am constantly reminded what we're doing, because my follicles have now swelled to outrageous size. Friday's recount (when I managed to stay solemn-faced) revealed 19 follicles on one side, 13 on the other. Today's ultrasound showed that the largest follicles are 16-18 mm in diameter. A little math gives us an approximate volume of 2 cubic cm for each one.

Did I mention there are 32 of them, all inside my abdomen? 64 cc of extra stuff in there? I feel bloated, full, and fat, and sudden movements provoke uncomfortable twinges. It's not awful, but I can't entirely forget about it, either.

Finally, today the doctor announced that the follicles were looking plump enough that we would probably do the egg retrieval on Wednesday. Although at some level I knew it would happen this week, the fact that there is now an actual date is giving me pause.

On the plus side, this makes me feel much better that the folks in the animal colony screwed up and killed my mice for this week's experiments. I was annoyed at them, but now I think--well, if you had to do that, good timing.