Monday, June 9, 2008

Blogoviation

What do I know about politics? I'm a goddamn biologist. But it's my blog.

Forthwith: Dr Jekyll's uninformed and unrealistic Obama veep handicapping! Alphabetically!

% is the likelihood I give it of happening. Mind you, I am (a) whimsical and (b) soused.







































NameProConNote%
Joe Biden
Thinks Obama is clean and articulate.Says so.Mega-gaffer = mega-fail, no matter what foreign relations committees he's on.1
Wesley Clark
Wins both anti-war libs and military typesNo governing experienceNo election know-how = fail points5
Hillary Clinton
Wounds--we heals them!Inspiring get-out-the-vote....for the 'Pubs.Michelle says no, and I sure as shit wouldn't cross her.2
Chris Dodd
Foreign policy wonk; reassuringly whiteCarries the critical swing state of C "the middle C is silent!" T.Have you no sense of fun?2
Chuck Hagel
Crazy bipartisan pick overshadows even McCain- Lieberman!Crazy bipartisan pick descends into its own special level of infighting hell!Double super bonus points: opening up a Senate seat in the Republican incumbent column3
Claire McCaskillWhite female senator of swing stateFirst-term senator of said state“If I were asked, I would ask some mental health professionals to visit Barack Obama. I just think Sen. Obama is way too smart to pick me."1
Bill RichardsonPopular Latino governor of swing state knows his ambassadorsAlso knows his ladies (h/t BikeMonkey)

We're sooo postracial now. Wait, not that postracial.
15
Kathleen SebeliusLady guv'nor of crimson Kansas holds bipartisan appealKansan foreign policy: Visit Oklahoma!She's nearing the end of her second term....Magic-8 says O-yeah!30
Ted StricklandO, hi, Ohio!"Vice-Presidential" and "sing-along" aren't usually in the same sentencePatent ploy for swing votes is very 20041
Jim WebbNeutralizes McCain's veteran advantage and pulls in the working class. Foshizzle!Might turn off the wimminfolk; might bite a reporterVeep debates against any pansy-ass Pube would be Most Fun EVAH!25
Out on his own?? ???? ??Obama's good at flouting the conventional wiz. Look for a surprise* none-of-the-above.15





























* And by "surprise" I don't mean "Ever Bridesmaid Evan Bayh."P.S., check out the McCaskill link for some more entertaining Senatorial responses to the question “If you were asked, would you accept an offer to be the VP nominee?” I'm personally fond of Ted Kennedy's “I plan to stick with my current job until I get the hang of it." A tip of the beret to Radar.

6 comments:

Anonymoustache said...

Great post Dr. J!
BTW, McCain/Liebermann? Now you're just teasing me! Nothing would please me more than if McCain picked Liebermann.....what a colossal, massive greasefire of a campaign that would be.
I haven't forgiven Gore yet for picking a sleazeball like Joe-mentum back in '00.

Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde said...

Dude, I don't know. We can kiss Florida goodbye if McCain takes Lieberman. I'm just hoping Holy Joe wants no part of it.

Anonymoustache said...

Dr. J,
Much as it pains me to say this, I think we can kiss Florida goodbye anyways. Doesn't matter who's running---too many whackjobs.
On the other hand, Liebermann on the Rethug ticket will bring out every frikkin Democrat everywhere else in the country just to bash his slimy reptilian head into the ground.
Plus, we can easily point out that a McCain/Liebermann (McGeezer/McDiaperson) ticket could basically be campaigning for the Speaker of the House to be President as she is next in the line of succession. Surely there is a rule somewhere that the combined ages of the candidates on one ticket cannot exceed the number of people currently serving in congress?

Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde said...

You see this item in the Times? Obama looking waaaay outside the governor/senator/household name box.

You're probably right about Florida.... unless he picks Richardson, which would help the Latino vote an awful lot.

Anonymous said...

WHAT? Where's the love for Gov Napolitanio? Taking it to Mr. Morton in his home state is ...sublime!

Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde said...

I like her, but it's my understanding (correct if wrong, please) that she is single, no kids.

We're post-sexist, but not that post-sexist. Oh hell, who am I kidding? We're not post-sexist at all.